Wednesday 18 May 2011

Militarihews or A History Of Warfare In Seven Comic Poems

1. Hegemony
Philip the Second of Macedon
Had many skills, and passed them on,
Which did his son a favour
As he went to conquer Asia.

2. The Gallic Wars
Julius Caesar
At the Siege of Alesia
Used dirty Roman tricks
To capture Vercingetorix.

3. 1066 and All That
William of Normandy,
When the wind turned Northerly,
Ended his inaction,
And sailed to whup the Saxons.

4. Chivalry
Edward of Woodstock,
Though of impeccably good stock,
Was barred from the aristocracy 'til
He'd won his spurs on Crecy hill.

5. The Iron Duke
Field Marshal Wellesley,
Or so my research tells me,
Had few friends at Eton
Before Napoleon was beaten.

6. Crimea River
The 7th Earl of Cardigan
Never rode that hard again,
Since charging had put paid
To his beloved Light Brigade.

7. Home By Christmas
Alfred von Schlieffen
Died before completion
Of his plan to capture Paris,
So he never got embarrassed.

Monday 16 May 2011

Earl Grey, Please!

A Villanelle about the man who passed the Great Reform Act of 1832, and who ended slavery in the British Empire in 1833. He's somewhat of a hero of mine...

Who celebrates the life of Charles, Earl Grey?
There's more to it than just inventing tea - 
We need a man like him to save the day.
When Tories cut, and Lib Dems just obey,
And opposition's lost in vain ennui, 
Who celebrates the life of Charles, Earl Grey?
Who fought against corruption's powerplay,
Who spoke 'til dawn with sweeping oratory,
We need a man like him to save the day.
When leaders lie to make us vote their way,
And private prisons prompt new slavery, 
Who celebrates the life of Charles, Earl Grey?
When taking teachings from our yesterdays,
If ever we could learn from history,
We need a man like him to save the day.
When England tries to ape the USA,
When freedom's just a distant memory,
Who celebrates the life of Charles, Earl Grey?  
We need a man like him to save the day.